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The words ‘calm parent’ have me smiling already. Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Parenting is noisy. Period. I have three young kids and I am constantly stopping to say ‘wow!’ at the crazy high volume levels in my home. Three kids, a movie playing, the washing machine going, and my brain fries over how crazily loud things are, and I usually burn something on the stove.
Parenting is loud! It’s also messy. You spend your time separating fighting kids, trying to reason with kids, trying to get kids to make up with kids, training kids to be responsible and manage their things well. It’s nonstop and sometimes exhausting! So when it doesn’t stop, how do we find a moment of calm? How do we learn to be calmer parents?
Tips for How You Can Be a Calmer Parent
Have a routine in place
Routine is king! Once you have a routine, and your kids do too, things in your home will work a bit more like clockwork {a bit more.. not exactly.} Creating set times for events like bedtimes, homework , and chores, will help everyone know what to expect, and what is expected of them. Once you have that down pat, you can expect to sit on the couch at 8 pm with a glass of wine, next to your significant other, in silence. It is possible!
Get your kids to sleep through
I started this a year ago. First we started with small light rules; like before bed, everyone gets a last drink of water and has to go to the bathroom. If in the middle of the night they wake up thirsty, they can get a sip of water. They soon got used to drinking before bed, and sleeping through until morning. It’s surprising how habit forming it is to drink water a few times in the night. I had to train myself to stop that too, and I sleep better because of it!
Before bed, I make sure all my kids are warm and comfortable, we talk about happy things before they go to sleep, read a story and everyone has to stay in their beds. My three share a big room, so this is interesting. When my two year old was still coming to our bed a few times a night, I began taking him back to his bed. I’d tuck him in again, make sure he was secure, comfortable, and happy in his own bed, with the right teddies etc. in place. I explained that this is his special bed. He loved staying there more and more, as I helped him to feel at home there and love sleeping in his own bed. Today he is three and sleeps right through.
Take some time out
Taking a few hours off every few days, to get away from the constant busyness of kids and home, is almost mandatory for sanity and some objectivity. Do something you love, that gives you peace – read, drink a glass or two of wine, sit in the sun, walk on the beach, visit a friend. Do something for yourself, by yourself. Come back home missing your family and all the fun and busyness that entails.
Revise your goals and family values often
It can be easy to get lost in the daily grind of housework and school runs and laundry and cooking dinners. The weeks turn into months so fast. Take some time to revise what your goals and dreams are for your family relationships, for your family finances, and think about where you want your family to go and grow. This will help you go through each day with a new perspective on your relationships and your role as a mom.
Remember who you are
In all the busyness of daily life, take time to work on yourself – keep some hobbies alive, work out when you can, eat healthily. In twenty years time, when your kids have left home, you’ll have a life outside of them and be the richer for it! Don’t lose your personal identity in all the busyness.
Keep the love alive
Take time out to go on dates with your man, to get away from the daily grind of life. You are in this parenting thing together. It’s hard, a lot of the time, to connect and keep your relationship close, when you are both so busy. Take the time to keep your love alive, remembering that you are running this home and family as a team, not two ships passing each other in the passage twice a day.
Make memories and create happiness
Although life is hectic and busy, and there are stresses and bills and exhaustion and pressure, there are also many moments we can get joy from, and memories we can make time to create with our kids. Build a home full of love and laughter. Go to sleep at night thinking of memories made, a family being nurtured and all the happiness there is to be thankful for. You’ll always have the bills and stresses to think of, but make room for the awesome things too. Live joyfully! You’re not just playing catch up all the time, barely surviving. You’re proactive and living purposefully!
Family is one of the greatest blessings in life. And being a parent is, for me, the biggest blessing! Find time to manage yourself, and find ways to keep it together, and be calmer. Your kids will thank you for it, and you’ll be much happier for it!
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