3 Gifts that will Help your Son be Calmer and Happier

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Welcome to Week 6 of our Raising Boys series. If you’d like to read previous posts, you can catch up at Raising Boys!

I find, on busy days, that the more time I spend ‘maintaining chaos’ in the home – laundry, sweeping, cooking, tidying etc. and the less time I spend with my son, the more he begins to run wild and play up. If this happens for a few days, and I lose that one-on-one connection with him, I wake up on day four with a boy who is bouncing off the walls trying to get my attention, breaking, throwing and exploding everything he can to get me to notice him. Madness! {My son is busy flooding my bathroom floor as I write this post} I find that on days that I make time for him exclusively, and give him a lot of my focused attention and time, he is calmer and happier, and doesn’t go wild to get my attention.

So here are three ‘A’s’ that really work in keeping our parent-son connection healthy. I found these in Dobson’s Bringing up Boy’s Parent workbook –  I try and remember to keep these going every day if I can. Behind the noise and mess and loudness that is my son, is a little boy with a soft heart, who adores me.

Sometimes we forget this, right?! 🙂

Giving Your Son Affection

Ideas for showing your son affection:

• hugs
• touching his arm or hands when he talks to you, or you to him
• high fives
• secret handshakes only dad and son, or mom and son, have
• back tickles & rubs
• fist bumps
• cuddles while reading together
• wrestling

If you’re not a ‘physical’ person, this may take some practice. Personally, I don’t usually ‘do’ hugs with people, yet with my kids I have to remind myself that they LOVE them, so I make a point of trying to hug etc. more, even though it isn’t something I naturally just DO.

Showing Your Son Your Approval

I have met some dads who seem to think boys and sons are there to compete with; they feel their job is to toughen them up and show them what ‘strong’ looks like. They don’t seem to really ‘get’ the importance of approval and affirmation in a boy’s heart. It really makes me sad to see a competing dad, when all a little boy wants is to hear how great he is, not hear/be shown how he measures up to his dad! Don’t underestimate the power of voicing your approval to your son(s)!

• Voice your approval to your son directly – pick a time you’re alone together, and tell him what you think he’s really good at, what you see in him that is unique and great. Let him know you’re proud of him!
• Praise him to someone else when he’s there to hear it – in the car to your spouse, or siblings, is a great place. In our family, we discuss our children in front of them, talking about character traits and habits we love. It all goes in 😉
• Slip a praise note into his lunchbox, or have a secret handshake unique only to that child and you, and let him know you’re proud of him when you do it.

Giving Your Son Your Attention

This comes down to MAKING time to spend one-on-one with your son, uninterrupted. At one point, we diarised six months of mom-son, and dad-son dates on our calendar. Take time to connect, talk and find out what is on his heart and mind, and to also have fun and make memories! 🙂

Remember that body language is important. It will help if you are mentally ‘all there’ in the moment, not thinking of your to-do list or work:

• Lean forward when talking with your son
• Ask questions that keep the conversation going smoothly, and show your interest
• Come prepared, if you like, with topics, games, ideas on how to connect, and what areas you want to work on.
• Avoid negative body language – folded arms, leaning back, glancing away all the time or being on your cellphone or PC. I’ve seen a few moms and kids at coffee shops where both are on their cellphones on social media sites. Not quite ‘quality’ time 🙂

While these points are important for moms, they’re particularly important for dads! Showing your son affection, and giving him your approval are so valuable in shaping his view of himself, and men. If you are  a single mom, finding a solid role model you respect, is a great thing to do for your son. Check out our post in this series How Dads Mould Boys Into Men if you missed it, for more tips for dads.

<< Last Week:  Tips & Tools For Teaching Boys

>> Next Week:  6 Ways To Build Your Son’s Confidence

Recommended reading as mentioned in the Raising Boys Series.

• Bringing Up Boys
• Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different – and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men
• Bringing Up Boys ~ Parent Workbook
• The 5 Love Languages of Children
• Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
• Your Brain on Childhood: The Unexpected Side Effects of Classrooms, Ballparks, Family Rooms, and the Minivan
• Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
• Building Confidence in Your Child
• Parenting Isn’t for Cowards: The ‘You Can Do It’ Guide for Hassled Parents from America’s Best-Loved Family Advocate
• The Power of a Praying® Parent (Power of Praying)